Monday, March 7, 2011

Drowning Pool

Ever feel like you are drowning and can't swim to the surface? That's how I feel lately. The weight of a thousands of gallons of water pressing me down into the depths. Too many things at once and none of them really positive.

I have a guaranteed 2 acceptances from my publisher. Great news right? You'd think. One, she's holding them back so people don't think she's playing favorites. Of course if people knew the second part, they'd never think that. I've gotten a rejection and that she is sending on to me. The rejection is for my favorite story too.

That's small potatoes though compared to the rest. My mom has a surgery coming up that she's not looking forward to. It was scheduled once but she couldn't handle it and cancelled. Now the closer it gets to April 15th the more manic she's becoming. And unfortunately, I'm the only target she has.

My cat is sneezing up a storm so I'm worried about her. I don't have the money to take her to the vet right now. So I'm left just feeling really afraid. My mom is warring with her line editor and again, I'm the nearest target so I get the abuse. And I'm getting flashbacks more often about the things my father did.

Also, thanks to the rejection for "passive voice" people are talking about things like backstory and how it shouldn't be in the story. Now I'm questioning if I even should be a writer or just hand in the towel. I feel so alone. I have no one to talk to. I can't talk to Mom because she's under enough strain. My brother is a jerk and I have no real friends who like me for me. They all tag along with me because they like my mom.

So here I sit, and I feel like I'm drowning with no way out of the pool. I don't know what to do.


  1. My beautiful Daughter, nothing could be further from the truth. You are the one who got us both into this world thanks to your friendships with N.J. and Emmy...both of whom adore you. As more rip-ers come out from beneath the concealing shroud of the NDA you are also learning how much you have been missed over there...and Sweetie, you have been.

    I am so sorry I have been giving you so much grief. There is no one in the world that means more to me than you. No one I want to hurt less than you.

    The last two days I have been away from our author loops more than I have been on...but I have popped in and it was YOU and your incredible BTR show that Karen suggested being a medium for furthering the understanding of what the rules are by having successful, multi-selling authors on to explain how come they keep getting the top sales.

    YOU, Angel girl chose that medium as your claim to the betterment of Muse...and trust me, you ARE making an impact.

    My Darling Child, I would happily turn out the world before I would let you think anyone is more important to me than you. I have been attached to your hip since you butted the orange juice from my belly before you took your very first breath, and I will be attached to your hip long after our Muse fates have been determined by those who BUY books.

    I LOVE Daria's story, so much so I was NOT going to let it slip into the rejection file and be forgotten.

    I was deeply touched that you decided to write about an era that means so much to me. In writing Daria's story, you gave ME the best gift I have ever received...and Lady, I LOVE it.

    I cannot change our finances until/when/if we one day have the kind of following N.J. and Emmy have. Personally I think that is more likely to be YOUR path. Your GAW series is AWESOME and so is your Heckate's Web series.

    I'm reading Dee's book right now and Sweetie, she uses a lot of "was and had's" in her book. Head hopping is what Norah Roberts does without apology.

    I don't know what the right key is for the publishing lock, but I DO know a good story. The only story you have written so far that did not GRAB me is the one about the Keep. That needs a LOT of reworking, although the core story is GOOD!

    Sweetie, you have so much talent, and I am in awe of your capabilities.

    Forgive me, Angel, for causing you so much pain. I love you more than life and without you, I do not HAVE a life.


  2. For what it's worth, Kat, my motto is: Never give up, never surrender.

    Keep writing if it's in your blood. Keep writing especially when you don't want to. It's medicine, therapy, and even your best of friend some days.

    And no, life doesn't get easier, but I guarantee you'll get tougher. You are WOMAN.

    Your mum sounds like a mother, my mother, who I miss dearly and would love to spend one more moment with.

    God Bless.
    Thanks for stopping by my blog. I really appreciate it.